When they say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, I always assumed that it was a symbol assignment (men being assigned to the god of War and woman being assigned to the goddess of love). Apparently it means something else.

I have recently learned for instance, that there are at least three kinds of dates.

1. A “sort-of” date

2. A date

3. A date date (always pronounced with emphasis on the first word)

When I type “date date” my spell-checker always underlines the second “date” because it thinks I am being redundant. I have yet to be given a definition of “sort-of” date and “date date” that makes any sense to me at all. Kelly has tried. Jess has tried. I’ve asked other people and gotten answers which I find as incomprehensible as macro economics.

Maybe its me.

Each time it comes up, I am reminded of the scene from the first season of The West Wing when Mallory asks Sam to the opera. Sam says, “You’re asking me on a date!” Mallory insists that she isn’t. Sam asks what distinguishes this from a date. To which Mallory response, “There will, under no circumstance, be sex for you at the end of the evening.”

While I don’t necessarily understand the definitions I have been given, I have a somewhat retentive memory and I can spit them back out verbatim. I therefore offer these definitions to anyone who might find them in a situation where they think they are on a date only to discover it was a “sort-of” date. Etc.

Sort-of date

(1) A date in which one of the two parties (usually not the one that is you) feels that the event is much less formal than an actual date; (2) A date in which one of the two parties (usually you), tell the other party that you’ll happen to be at Such and Such Bar at 9 PM, and if you (the other party) happen to show up there for a drink “that’d be cool”; (3) when one or both parties involved find out upon meeting that they are somehow related.

Date

(1) A pre-arrange event in which two people agree to meet at a particular time and place to enjoy one another’s company and explore the possibility of future encounters; (2) a “fix-up” (see also “sort-of date”)

Date date

(1) a one-night stand; (2) a one-hour stand; (3) a 15-minute stand (see also “He/she is so hot”)

These are the definitions that I was given. I repeat them word-for-word as they were given to me. Hopefully, this clears up a lot for you and provides you with an enlightened picture of the world.