The new pair of Gap jeans I am wearing has a button-fly. Who thought this was a cool idea? It’s not cool. It’s not even practical. The only reason I can think of for the invention of such nonsense is that the designer caught his johnson in his zipper. So because of one man’s lack of dexterity, we all must suffer! Stop making these infernal things already. It takes forever to get these things open. The Viagra will have worn off by the time someone can get this thing undone. A zipper is a huge improvement. Replacing it with buttons is like replacing an iPod with a massive 8-track tape player.

Gawd!