Week 38 (t-minus 9 days and counting…)

We are into the single digits!

Time is moving quickly and slowly.  At work we are in the midst of a massive application rollout which takes place this weekend.  That has been making the workdays go by quickly.  But the nights can’t seem to slide by fast enough.

I think both Kelly and I have been stewing in anticipation.  We are both very excited for the baby’s arrival, but I have a few observations of things that I’ve been thinking about in the last week:

1. I don’t feel like a Dad yet.  I’m not sure if there is some chemical change that takes place in your brain once the baby is born.  I’ll let you know.  But for now, I feel pretty much the same as I’ve always felt.  In other words, I feel like me.  I’m so excited for the baby’s arrival, but 9 days out, it is almost as if it’s happening to someone else, not me.  (In a real sense, it is happening to Kelly, since she is the one carrying the baby.)
2. I keep thinking about how excited I am for the baby’s arrival and to bring him home.  Of course, in a real sense, he is already home, albeit within Kelly’s belly.  But at 38 weeks, he’s not too much different than he will be 9 days from now.  He’s already able to hear voices, and though he hasn’t “seen” the house yet, he spends most of his time in the house.  It’s funny how we build up in our heads bringing the baby home–to a place he’s already been for the last nine month.  The only difference is the 5 layers of intervening skin and muscle.
3. Lots of people have told us how our lives will change forever once the baby is born.  I’m skeptical about the intent of some of them.  For one thing, I think our lives “changed forever” on the day the baby was conceived; we just didn’t know it yet.  Second, while most people tell us that our lives will change forever, they do it with a sinister kind of ring in their voices, implying all of the negative parts of raising a child like sleepless nights, worries, anxiety, frustration.  What’s interesting is that only a very few people who say this actually add, “for the better.”  I don’t doubt that our lives will change forever (or as long as they last anyhow) for the better, but I find it interesting that people tend to focus on the negative, rather than the positive.

In some ways, I liken the experience so far to getting my pilot’s license.  There was a point a month or so before my first solo flight when it seemed to me I simply couldn’t imagine myself flying a plane all alone with no one there to help me out.  I didn’t feel like a pilot.  But came the big day, and I did it, and it was one of the high points of my life.  In the same way, while I don’t feel like a Dad yet, I imagine that once little Zach is born and I am holding him in my arms (or watching Kelly hold him in hers), the feeling will come and along with it, another high point in my life.

Stick around and find out.  I plan on posting some thoughts about Zach’s upcoming arrival each of the remaining 9 days before the Big Day.  Tomorrow, I’ll talk more about how I feel about becoming a parent and why I don’t feel complete overwhelmed (yet).

Originally published at From the Desk of Jamie Todd Rubin. You can comment here or there.