I went into the bathroom a little while ago and noticed one of the faucets was leaking. For some reason, this triggered the instantaneous invention of a complete country-western song in my head. I ran out of the bathroom, and back to my office to write it down before I forgot it.
Keep in mind I have no musical talent whatsoever, except shower-singing. But I imagine this song being sung in the deep Garth Brooks kind of country twangy voice. Aside from that, I have no idea how the music would go. But here’s the song:
A Leak in the Faucet of Life
Well I was driving my truck, a twelve-piston Ford,
As the rain came down, I mean it really poured.
And I thought of my lady, I was full of desire.
And then my goddamn truck, well it blew a tire.
Stuck out in the rain, at the side of the road
With a hole in my hat, I felt like I’d explode.
Strugglin’ through this miserable strife
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
CHORUS:
Well, there ain’t no plumber who can twirl a wrench
To fix my leak and restore my sense
No there ain’t no plumber who can snake my pipe
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
Then I headed home, after being towed
Thirty-nine ninety four, was what I owed.
I kicked off my boots, I opened up the door
And you won’t believe who was on my floor!
It was Eddie Jones, he was looking shady,
That’s when I saw he was kissing my lady.
She said, “I don’t want to be your wife.”
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
REPEAT CHORUS
Well she took the house, every single board
But what pissed me off was she got my Ford.
The judge made me pay her alimony
And when I said, “Hell no!” she called the cops on me.
They put me in cuffs, they took me for a ride
And then they slammed the door shut with me inside
I wanna slit my wrist with my Bowie knife
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
I got a leak in the faucet of life.
REPEAT CHORUS
REPEAT CHORUS
So there you have it. The first country-western song I’ve ever tried to write. I should probably keep my day-job.
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